101 Ways to Kill Groose
by MetaGiga
Summary: Let's face it. Groose is flat out annoying and a big jerk. So, how about we have some fun with him? Y'know... The painful way? (I DON'T OWN ZELDA OR ANYTHING)
1. Chapter 1

NUMBER ONE:

DEATH BY LINK'S SAILCLOTH.

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><p>It was morning above the clouds. Link was taking a rest from going to the world below and sleeping in his bed. Groose, however, was creeping to his enemy. "Alright, punk... You won't save Zelda? <em>I <em>will. You aren't cut out for the job, punk..." he whispered as he 'carefully' slipped something out of Link's pocket. (By carefully, as in yanked it out. Seems like Link was a deep sleeper)

As soon as he had obtained it he dashed out of the room, slamming the door. (And Link was STILL asleep) DUH-NUH-NUH-NUUUUUH! Groose now has the Sailcloth! Now he can save Zelda himself instead of that stupid, lazy Link! He then ran out of the guild to go to the world below.

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><p>"Keep going, just a bit further!" Groose commanded his flying companion as the two approached the parted clouds showing the lush green world beneath. The bird was a bit uneasy as Groose stood up on top of it. "I'll be back with Zelda! The great Groose will prevail!"<p>

With that said, he jumped down. As he saw the ground getting closer and closer, he pulled out the sailcloth and held it over his head to slow him down... But it didn't. It did nothing whatsoever. His weight was too much for the cloth to slow his fall. And that was the day when Groose was never heard from again. Good news is, the wind blew the sailcloth back up and somehow made it's way back into Link's home right into his pocket. Crazy how stuff like that happens.

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><p><strong>Alright, this is a little something I've made to take a break from doing my main stories and have a little fun. Groose has always been annoying, right? So why not kill him 101 times in every way possible? Also, I'm gonna be taking requests from YOU. Ownage, humiliation, or just plain death. You send it in, I just might do it!<strong>

**Oh, I don't own Groose, Link, or anything in between. I don't own the Zelda franchise either.**


	2. Chapter 2

NUMBER TWO:

DEATH BY DEKU KING'S PUNISHMENT.

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><p>Groose awoke to the sound of loud drums. What happened..? Oh right! He was off to save Zelda! As he tried to get up, he noticed that he was tied to a wooden plank by firm vines. Another thing he realized was that he was being carried... "H-Hey! You punks let me down or I'll really give it to ya!" Groose threatened his captors, though he could not see them. In response was a growl from underneath him. "I didn't think this oaf would be as annoying as he is heavy..." a squeaky and dry voice mumbled. Oaf? Wonder who the oaf is around here.<p>

Suddenly, he and the captors came to a halt. Once Groose was set down on the ground, he could now see what was carrying him. Were those... Shrubs?  
>Looking at his surroundings he appeared to be within some sort of wooden chamber coated in red and green pastels. "All rise for the great Deku King!" one of the shrubs proclaimed. The what? Now he could make out a terrifying, tall being made of wood and red leaves with what seemed to be a giant tomato on his head. Pointing his scepter at Groose, the Deku King spoke, "You have intruded upon our territory!"<p>

The smaller wooden people propped him up towards the king. "State your purpose on why!"  
>"You don't have a mouth, ya freak!"<p>

Gasps were heard all through the chamber. Now the Deku King was even more pissed off. "Do you have any idea who you are in the presence of?!" the king snapped, his piercing yellow eyes glowing brighter then they were before. "Yeah, I do," Groose replied, "I'm in front of the biggest freak I've ever seen besides Link. Now lemme go, punk. I have a girl to save."  
>The king was now steaming mad.<p>

"GUARDS," he commanded, "BRING OUT THE CAULDRON AND FILL IT TO THE BRIM!"

Moments later, Groose was dangling over a boiling pit of murky soup. He now had lost all of his bravado and was screaming as he was being slowly lowered into the cauldron. In minutes, Groose was completely under. There was splashing, yes, but it soon ceased after a few seconds. He then sunk to the bottom. The king was now satisfied. "That will be all, loyal subjects. You may feed that brew to my pet out guarding the basement, for I do not trust the taste of this human.

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><p><strong>This idea was a mix of the two given to me by ultima-owner! Being thrown into lava or something along with another suggestion for being sacrificed to a monster. And what better way to do so by bringing the Deku King on in for a little appearance? Dipping Groose into searing hot soup and feeding it to the Octo outside the palace was the best of both worlds~! Keep sending in some suggestions, everyone!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

NUMBER THREE: DEATH BY THE MOON.

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><p>It was nighttime. Groose didn't really know where the heck he was, but one thing was certain:<br>The town he was in looked pretty fucked up.  
>A giant clock tower stood at the heart of the town colored in numerous pastels, the night had an ominous feeling about it, and hardly anybody was there. The place appeared to be decorated as to be holding a festival, but the entire town was almost devoid of townsfolk. This made Groose kind of creeped out. How did he even get here in the first place?<p>

After searching for any sign of life, Groose eventually found a man right near the clock tower. "Hey, what's going on?" Groose demanded to him. The man looked over and scowled. "I'll tell ya what's happening," he grunted, "All a the town is a bunch a wusses believing the moon's actually falling. No matter what, on with the carnival I say!"  
>The moon falling?<p>

DONG!

Fireworks started to crack in the sky as the ground began to rumble. In an instant, the clock tower underwent a transformation into some sort of platform... And looking up even more, the biggest and freakiest looking moon Groose has ever seen began to slowly lower itself into the tower.  
>"D-DON'T YOU SEE WHAT'S HAPPENIN', PUNK?!" he screamed over the quakes happening around them.<br>As the moon caught fire it crashed into the platform, then demolished the entire town with it's impact as well as both Groose and the oblivious man.

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><p><strong>Man, this one was fun xD my favorite Zelda game of them all and I get to kill Groose with the main conflict for it. This idea was submitted by, once again, ultima-owner~<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

NUMBER FOUR: DEATH BY BEN.

Groose wandered around aimlessly in Clock Town, a distorted tune of music playing in loop mysteriously around him. The entire town was empty... He couldn't leave... This was creeping him out. "Where the heck is Zelda, anyway..?" Groose mumbled to himself as he went through another section of Clock Town that he's probably been through a million times already. Groose suddenly stopped. Was somebody following him? Or... Watching him? Spinning behind him, he got pretty mad.

A statue of Link.

Well, it was a pretty disturbing statue of Link, but whoever the hell was screwing around would be in a world of hurt when Groose found them, oh yes. Going onwards, he felt as though he was... Being followed. Turning around once more, the Link statue was even closer to him. Groose crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, "Oh, REAL funny. Why don't ya come on out and tell me a joke, funny guy, since you think you're sooo funny." Groose taunted.

No response.

"... Bah, that punk'll get what's comin' to 'em."  
>With that said, Groose pushed the Link statue to the ground and went off. Little did he know, he had just angered a very dangerous being...<p>

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><p>The music seemed to get even louder every step Groose took. He felt as though he might just go crazy if it kept up...<p>

_You shouldn't have done that._

"What? Who said that?!" Groose demanded at whoever just spoke. Suddenly, he witnessed something that made him go pale. The Link statue materialized right in front if him. "Wh-What..?" Groose whispered in disbelief.

_You're not sure why, but you apparently have a reservation._

"R-Reservation to what, punk?!"

In an instant, Groose caught on fire. Screaming, he collapsed to the ground, slowly dying a painful death as the Link statue remained in its same position, grinning the permanent grin it was given.

_You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?_

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><p><strong>Oh man, two deaths in one day! I loved writing this one. BEN Drowned is my all time favorite creepypasta. I've read it, like, twenty times. I guess you could say that this one was a favorite~ (I don't owned the BEN Drowned story. I would have messed it up if I did)<br>This idea was submitted by Multusvalde~!**


	5. Chapter 5

NUMBER FIVE: DEATH BY REJECTION

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><p>Groose was in his room, styling his hair for the twentieth time. Today was the day. The day he gets his first kiss! And what better way to do it on a beautiful sunset in Skyloft? Who was he going to kiss? Why, Zelda of course! The fortune teller prophesied, and quote, "You will have a kiss with the one you love, and then take off like a newborn dove."<p>

So, he'll kiss Zelda and their newfound love will bloom as they ride together on their Loftwings! It's just so perfect! After finally finding the perfect style for his hair, (which was the same as always) Groose took off to the place where he always stalked Zelda to at this time.

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><p>There she was... Her long, blonde hair flowing in the wind as she gazed over at the horizon. Groose walked forward, which made Zelda turn towards him. "What do you want?" she groaned, stressing the 'you'. Groose didn't say anything. Instead, he grabbed his lovevictim and... Started to make out passionately. This resulted in screams from Zelda, struggling to break free. As soon as Groose let go, Zelda was so steaming mad that her face was bright as a tomato. Groose gave a stupid grin, "You love me back, don't you? I can see it in y-"

Zelda gave him a serious kick in the balls. Twice. "I. Do. NOT. Love. You." Zelda growled. With a third kick, Groose was knocked right off Skyloft. He tried to call his bird... But it was nowhere to be found. Groose then plummeted into the world below.  
>Zelda, however, smiled in triumph. "It's okay to come out now!" she called behind a building. Seconds later, Groose's Loftwing appeared from behind, then squawked in satisfaction. Zelda smiled, "That's right! Now you can have a nicer owner. He's all gone now, so bond yourself with another person!"<p>

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><p><strong>This was once again a mix of two! Zelda rejecting Groose then pushing (or rather kicking) him off of Skyloft. These were<strong> **suggested by Dan and Ickypicky892!**


	6. Chapter 6

NUMBER SIX: DEATH BY THE GROOSENATOR

Link may be a dope, but this Imprisoner thing seems even worse. Fortunately, Groose came up with the thing that HE will use to bring it down. Well, Link will have to finish it. But he won't be able to do it without...

THE GROOSENATOR!

If only Zelda could see this. Him taking out a huge ass monster! Link approached him and his amazing machine. "Took ya long enough," Groose said, exaggerating as if he had been waiting for hours when it was only about forty five minutes of preparation. Link rolled his eyes, "Well, I'm here now. What are you supposed to do with this thing?" Link asked, walking towards the Groosenator. Groose returned with a sly grin. "First, you put in one of those bomb flowers. It'll hit that ugly freak and confuse the dope. Then you go and do what you do.

Link pondered the plan. "Huh, that's actually smart of you," Link said, grinning, "I'll be sure to mention it to Zelda." That comment made Groose's face's heat up. "Sh-Shut up and get to it..."

Link nodded and took a bomb flower, inserting it into the Groosenator. Readying it for takeoff... It wouldn't budge. "Hm. Not to worry, I got this. don't light it just yet, lemme fix this," Groose said, climbing on top of the bowl of the Groosenator. With a little bit of tweaking, Groose said, "Alright, everything looks good now. Let's launch! Set that bomb on!

Link did as instructed and before Groose could get off... It fired into the sky instantly, sending both Groose and the bomb towards the Imprisoner.

"AAAAAAAAAaaaahhhh..."

Into the mouth they went, no longer visible. There was a faint 'boom' inside of it. Seconds afterwards, the Imprisoner felt extremely sick as if it had just gotten food poisoning. Not from the bomb, though...

Link just stared.

"... Your sacrifice was not in vain, Groose. But I had never thought you could give monsters food poisoning."

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><p><strong>This beautiful idea was from Zolias xD also, Link CAN talk in this. I mean in Skyward Sword, you have a ton of options to reply to. So pretty much, Link is talking right? I'm actually writing this on a school laptop at, well, school :P Yep. And I wrote this all in one study hall period.<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

NUMBER SEVEN: DEATH BY GRENADE EXPLOSION

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><p>"Alright, cupcakes," a man in bright red armor announced, "We got ourselves a new recruit here. Treat 'em nice 'n respectful like."<p>

Groose really didn't know what the fuck was going on. Apparently he had ended up in some sort of canyon inside of some sort of military base. To be honest, he was the only one without the armor. "Whoa, wait! Does that mean I'm not the rookie anymore?! Awesome!" some dude in pink armor exclaimed happily. Two guys, one in yellow armor and one in a deep rust armor, groaned. "Yes, Donut. You're not the fucking rookie. Now shut up," rust armor said. Groose decided to speak up, "Uh, why exactly am I here?" The guy in yellow armor turned to rusty, "Yeah, Simmons. Someone else wonders the EXACT SAME THING! Why are we here? Why are we in existence? Why-"

"Now shut your pothole, Grif!" the guy in red armor demanded. The guy in yellow armor, apparently named Grif, sighed, "Yes, Sarge..."

The only thing Groose could think was that these guys were a bunch of freaks. "Now," Sarge began, "Today's the day we go 'n take them Blues out. I got a good feelin' 'bout this recruit. Seems like a good shotgun driver for the Warthog."

... What? "You've got to be kidding me..." Simmons muttered, "He doesn't even have any goddamn armor." "Now, Simmons. That'll just show to them Blues that he's got so much experience that he's too good for all a that. That'll give them a niiice spook," Sarge explained. Donut looked towards Groose worriedly, "Um, I don't think that's a good idea sir-"

"No, it's a great idea. Right, rook?" Grif interrupted. Groose really didn't know what to say. What's a shotgun? "Now, fellas. Let's get to it." Sarge announced.

"Wait-right now?" "Yep. Now move it, cupcake."

No, they aren't freaks. They're fucking insane. As Groose climbed on what appeared to be the 'shotgun' of what was called the Warthog, Simmons took the wheel. "Okay, rookie. You only got one job here. Fire like hell. Got that?"

Groose quickly nodded his head and the vehicle took off into the field. He didn't know whether Simmons was trying to get there ASAP or just throw him off. In seconds, they had arrived to the Blue's base... But they were prepared. "Looks like they're here, Tucker," a guy in metallic slate armor said to the neon blue armored person next to him. "Just like we saw, Church," Tucker replied. "... Holy hell, this has to be the most coordinated we've ever been," Church said, getting something out of his belt. Throwing it towards them, it landed right in front of Groose, seemingly stuck to the floor. Simmons was silent.

"... SON OF A BITCH!"

He then ran out of the vehicle. Groose, on the other hand, was pretty damn confused. Soon, the thing started glowing...

KA-KRA-BOOOOOOOOOOOM!

It exploded in a huge blast.

All that remained in the shotgun seat was a pile of ash.

All soldiers present just stared. Simmons looked up to Church, who had been on the Blue base's roof. "... I was actually gonna shoot him when Sarge wasn't looking, but... That was satisfying."

Church looked a little confused, then got the idea, "Well, I think that guy would have been annoying for both of us."

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><p><strong>This idea was actually done by me after watching 6 seasons of Red vs. Blue :D All I can say is... Church is the best. Hands down. And this just goes to show that ANYTHING can happen xD oh, I don't own anybody. Roosterteeth owns the entire Red vs. Blue series. Nintendo owns Groose. The only thing I own is this story :P<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

NUMBER EIGHT: DEATH BY AWESOME STUNT

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><p>Snowpeak.<p>

The coldest and tallest area in all the land. A world devoid of all life... Except for two lone monsters. Or, what people would CONSIDER monsters. This is why Groose was climbing the very mountain. To slay the 'monsters' himself. To prove his bravery to all, especially Zelda. As he reached the peak, he had finally saw the monsters. Now, these were quite odd. One was huge while the other was smaller. The larger one was actually pretty terrifying, but the smaller one seemed quite sweet. "Oh look Yeta," the huge monster said to the small one, "It looks like we have a visitor, uh."

The small monster, seemingly to be called Yeta, replied, "Yes, uh, we haven't had visitors in a long time Yeto. My dear, he looks cold, uh."

Groose was dumbstruck. Weren't monsters supposed to be... Monster-like? "Uh, well... I'm cold. How can you live up here?" Groose asked wearily. Yeto laughed. "Why we've adapted, uh. That and our house is quite toasty."

"... House?"

What the hell?

"Yes, yes! Our house is really nice, uh. We can give you some of our soup, uh. It made me feel quite better when I felt ill. It was made from pumpkins and cheese, uh," Yeta said. Soup, huh? Groose hated soup, but whatever. He just wanted to get to wherever these dope's house was. "You look like you want to go, uh," Yeto said. Instantly, Yeto punched the tree next to the three of them and huge shards of ice came down. "Let's make this fun and race there, uh!"

Race? Down the mountain? Getting onto the shard of ice, Groose pushed off and went like a speeding Loftwing. This was... Fun, actually! He spun, flipped in the air, preformed cool tricks... And became pretty full of it. Soon, Groose decided to do the most impossible trick possible.

A 360 turn while doing ten 360 flips while and soaring through the sky above the icy canyon coming quickly towards him. He jumped, did the 360 turn, three 360 flips... Then crashed into the glacial wall inches away from the end of the fissure. Slowly, Groose slid down, then fell into the depths below, darkness consuming him entirely.

Meanwhile, Yeto and Yeta were waiting for Groose to come down and meet up with them. "... Maybe he decided not to come after all, uh," Yeta said to her husband. Yeto sighed, "I guess, uh. But who needs company... When I have you."

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><p><strong>This was suggested by ultima-owner. I'm actually replaying Twilight Princess right now (GOD DAMMIT WHERE'S THAT LAST POE IN THE DESERT TEMPLE) Yeto and Yeta belongs Nintendo, but I feel like trying to make the soup to get my dad off my case about not cooking.<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

NUMBER NINE: DEATH BY MIDNA

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><p>Groose was creeping through the overgrowth of the Surface, looking for a sign of where Link had gone by. He wasn't scared. No way. Not at all. Nope.<br>A twig snapped, which made Groose jump. Nope, he's not scared... A shadow darted across him at blinding speed.  
>Not... Scared...<p>

"Hold up a second."

Whoever said that seemed to have a distorted childlike voice... The shadow leapt out of the brush in front of him, revealing its true self. The thing running around was a fucking wolf. That wasn't what scared Groose the most. What scared him the MOST was a small creature riding it... It was about two or three feet tall, had very long and pointy ears, blue glowing designs on its arms, a red and yellow eye, and wearing a mask covering the other. To top it off, it had two tone colored skin made up of blue and black.

It gave him an annoyed look, "Why are you staring at me? Something on my face or what?" it (or she) asked irritatedly, "Well, whatever. What I wanna know is how you ended up in the Sacred Grove. You don't really look that... What's the word... 'Dexterous' to make a way to go through all the traps. Much less graceful."

That got Groose mad. "Look, ya little shrimp, I can deal with you whenever I want, but I don't wanna waste my time on a dope like you. So get lost or I'll make you," Groose threatened. This resulted in the wolf growling at him, almost ready to attack. However, the imp calmed it, "It's not worth your energy. Let me handle this, Link."  
>Link?<br>... LINK?!  
>Link is a WOLF?! Or, did that thing name the wolf Link by coincidence? The imp stood from 'Link's' back and... Floated to him. She soon was making eye contact with him. "I have a name, idiot. It's Midna. Now get your tail back to where you came from or you'll see what happens when you mess with a Twilight being."<p>

Groose thought Midna was just adorable now that he had a good look at her. (Not as cute as Zelda)

He didn't exactly pay attention to the threat, and Midna could tell just by looking. Glaring at her victim, Midna's orange hair turned into a hand bigger then herself. She gave Groose a grin, showing her fangs, "I warned you. Now you're gonna see what I can do with only a little bit of my power."  
>In a flash, the bright orange hand snatched up Groose. It then started smashing him into the forest floor, then into the trees. After minutes of this, it began to spin him around at blinding speeds.<br>After much more of this torture, the hand finally chucked him into a gorge as hard as it could. Seconds later, it turned back into Midna's regular hair.

"Well, Link? I don't know about you, but I think I feel like a huge load of stress is off my shoulders."  
>Link panted, as if it were a sign of agreement. Grinning, Midna thumped down back onto his back. "Now to get to the next mirror shard!"<p>

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><p><strong>I FINALLY found that Poe in the Inhibitor Grounds. I'm such a dumbass xD I just completed the Temple of Time and got my favorite item ever: The Dominion Rod. Now to blast off into the sky :0 oh, this idea was suggested by kirbyfan1996~ Midna's my 2nd favorite companion in the Zelda series by the way :D you'll never guess my favorite. If you do before I tell you in the next chappie, then you'll have a guest appearance featuring... You :D xD<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

NUMBER TEN: DEATH BY CUTE ANIMALS

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><p>It was a nice night on Skyloft. Kids were asleep in their beds, dreaming of their own Loftwings someday... Loftwings themselves asleep with their feathers ruffled up as if they were under their own blankets... Even the hand in the toilet was sound asleep.<p>

All but Groose. Groose just couldn't sleep. After having recurring dreams about Zelda, he just couldn't fall back asleep. Just so much excitement from them! So, he did the one thing that he knew he should get him back to sleep. Take a walk down Skyloft. Old people like it, but that shit's plain BORING. Perfect plan! So right now, Groose was walking down the road with only lamps and the moonlight to light his way. "Ugh, why do the old dopes like doing this stuff?" Groose murmured.

Suddenly, he felt something at the bottom of his foot... Looking down it was...

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><p>-A SKYLOFT KITTY-<p>

That cat the guild master seems to love so much. Scowling at it, Groose kicked it away and kept on. How the hell did that cat get there anyway?

Suddenly, he heard growls from a nearby bush... Slowly turning to the direction of it, two savage, demonic eyes stared back at him with a look of bloodlust. Groose backed away. "D-Don't mind me... I'm just w-walking around like an old c-coot... I don't mean any h-harm..." Groose whimpered. The monster yowled and pounced from the bush, revealing itself to be the master's cat. Only, something seemed a little... _Off _about it. It looked as if it had rabies or something. It instantly jumped onto Groose's face and started to scratch like crazy. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

As Groose flailed around, he fell right off Skyloft while the kitty jumped back onto the floating ground. It was now back to its cute little self and curled up to sleep.

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><p>-A CUCCU-<p>

"What the..?"

It was some sort of white feathered bird. Wasn't this a cuccu? Was that what they were called or what? Lifting his foot, Groose inspected the bird. Was it... Dead? "_CROCK-RL-DRRROOOLLLDL-DRROOO!_" Suddenly, a whole flock of the cuccus came out of nowhere and started attacking him. After minutes of this torture, Groose collapsed to the ground. Afterwards, all of the cuccus gathered around Groose and lifted him off the ground together. "_CRRROK!_" one said to the flock. "_CRRRRRRROOOK!_" the rest replied.

The cuccus then carried Groose away into the sunrise to somewhere even the sages don't know, never to be seen or heard from again.

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><p><strong>I just couldn't decide between a kitty and the seriously traumatizing cuccu squad xD so, here's both! I swear, the cuccu one was the most fun with writing I have ever had. Period. These beautiful ideas were from ultima-owner and The Legend of Zelda Fangirl (and dude, I guess I'm a fangirl too xD) ALSO a lot of people guessed Ghost Zelda for my favorite companion. As fun as having your dead girlfriend around forcing her to play Alphonse Elric whenever you want, she's not my favorite xD My favorite LoZ companion is...<strong>

**LINEBECK FROM PHANTOM HOURGLASS!**

**He was the only thing that made me pull through the whole entire game. That goddamn. Temple... Timed... So much... Stress... BUT he's the guy that kept my spirit up :D that asshole helped me beat the game! (Plus I sorta fangirl him so yeah)**


	11. Chapter 11

NUMBER ELEVEN: DEATH BY MY ANNOYING ASS 'FRIEND'

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><p>One thing was for sure, Groose wasn't in Skyloft anymore. Instead he was in some sort of school where teenagers were talking about how they smoked 'pot' in the bathrooms, chicks with boob implants were acting like they owned the place, three fights were going on...<br>Groose was officially in Jersey Shore.

As he tried to move through the crowds of teens even dumber then he was, he finally found a spot that was devoid of the crowd. Gasping for breath, Groose slid down to the floor. Once he thought he had got a break, he heard something that would change the entire Situation of peace.  
>"Quack."<br>Looking up, Groose was face-to-face with a lanky teenager with a shaggy bowl cut and buck teeth giving him a really goofy smile. He was wearing an all black outfit with bright red converse that were a nightmare to it.

Groose was in front of the biggest nerd he has ever seen.

The kid gave him an even bigger smile, "Hi."  
>Groose gave him a look, "Uh, hi..."<br>Silence.  
>Once again, the kid said, "Hi."<br>"... Hi?"  
>"Hi."<br>"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!"

"NYEEEH!" the nerd whined playfully, as if Groose was playing around. Groose never plays around. Especially not with dopes like this guy. The nerd started laughing, "Groose, Groose, Groose... You really need to lighten up a little!"  
>How the fuck did he know his name?<br>"By the way, hi."

At this point, Groose was grinding his teeth out of sheer anger. The kid shivered at his glare, "Geez, touchy..."  
>"Now... You'd better shut up or I-"<br>Groose was interrupted by a loud, " 'MERICAAA~!" from the guy.

Groose's face went red. He started steaming... Seconds later, he exploded, leaving nothing but ash.

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><p><strong>Yes. This is my high school. And yes. This chapter was created for the soul purpose of getting my anger out. You see, I have this dude that won't leave me the fuck alone at school no matter what I do. Punch him, elbow him, slap him, avoid him, ignore him ENTIRELY... He just keeps coming back. I know this was kind of harsh, but if this guy pokes you with his fucking TEETH... Then you start getting grossed out. And annoyed. ALSO, every sentence this guy has said in this chappie is unexaggerated and is what he says EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Plus, I resist punching him in the face because it's the definition of annoying geek that everyone wants to punch<strong>.


	12. Chapter 12

NUMBER TWELVE: DEATH BY SERGEANT ANOUS

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><p>Groose clutched flowers close to his chest. It took a while, but he finally found the prettiest flowers in all of Skyloft. He could take it slow with Zelda... Stage one, flowers. Stage two... He didn't know stage two. Stage three, date! Sure, Groose was a <em>little <em>nervous... But, it doesn't matter. His date was coming closer and closer! Link won't stand a chance! That dope's done for! Standing up straight, Groose walked toward the direction where he saw Zelda go while he was walking around Skyloft (stalking her). There she was... Grooming her azure colored bird. Such beauty only came from the goddess herself. She was indeed blessed, if not descended from the heavens herself...

As soon as Zelda saw Groose from the corner of her eye, she groaned. "What do _you _want?" Zelda asked impatiently. Groose merely grinned, pulling out the flowers and offering them to her. "The most beautiful flowers in Skyloft, just like you."

Zelda rolled her eyes while her Loftwing squawked in his face.

Before Groose could seduce her even more, someone jumped out from behind a building wearing a police getup. "STOP RIGHT THERE!" the guy said, aiming his gun directly at Groose. Groose backed away, studying the cop. He really didn't look certified and quite stereotypical. He also seemed like a huge dope. The gun, however, seemed fully loaded. "L-Look, punk! I'm only here to make my move on the hottest girl ever! Stage one! You understand... Right?"

"BULLSHIT!"

In an instant, the cop shot Groose with all the bullets in his pistol. Once he was done, Groose dropped down dead. The cop walked over to the body, picked up the flowers, and walked over to Zelda. "Hey. The name's Anous," the cop said, cooly, "_Sergeant _Anous."

Zelda smiled, then took the flowers. "These are so beautiful... Thank you..." Zelda replied to Anous, "Hey... Do you want to go for a ride on my Loftwing? The wind is light and it's a beautiful sunset, Anous." Sergeant Anous nodded his head quickly and both he and Zelda got on the back of her Loftwing.

* * *

><p><strong>I was waiting for someone to suggest a Smosh xD I've been subscribed to them on YouTube for years now. Half of my humor was built by them. So if you hate Smosh and love this story, then that's a bunch of irony right there. This idea was given to me by agarfinkel! Oh, I don't own Sergeant Anous or Smosh xD That stuff belongs to Anthony and Ian<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

NUMBER THIRTEEN: DEATH BY THE GREAT MIGHTY POO

* * *

><p>Groose was just plain grossed out by his surroundings. Everywhere he looked, there was... Crap.<br>Literally.  
>Fucking.<br>Crap.  
>This was the LAST time he fell asleep on the toilet.<p>

Yet, this disgusting place seemed to have taken form of some sort of... Shit temple? Good god. Nobody, not even Link, would explore this place. Not worth it at ALL. Right when Groose was about to search for an exit, a booming voice demanded...

"BRING ME SOME SWEET CORN!"

Just then a cute, yellow thing hopped by, knocking Groose over. "Why you little..."  
>The thing was punched over the edge by a forceful punch. The cute little thing sunk into the ground below seconds later after being sent off the edge.<br>What happened next made Groose question the laws of nature entirely.

Music suddenly played in the background as the whole place started shaking... Then soon... Out from the 'floor' came this gigantic, mutated pile off... Well, of shit. It was holding the yellow thing in its lumpy hand. The thing chucked the cute animal into its huge mouth then cleared its throat. "MEMEMEMEEE..."  
>... Was he going to..?<p>

_"I. AM. THE GREAT MIGHTY POO,_

_AND I'M GOING TO THROW MY SHIT. AT. YOU,_

_A HUGE SUPPLY OF TISH COMES FROM MY CHOCOLATE STARFISH,_

_HOW ABOUT SOME SCAT YOU LITTLE TWAT!"_

Groose was speechless. Just witnessing the abomination before him made him unable to move. The Great Mighty Poo reached over and took off part of himself in a perfect ball. "HAVE SOME CAVIARE!"  
>The ball of crap was instantly chucked at Groose, flying through the sky at an intense speed. Groose, however, was still stunned by the overall situation that he couldn't even work up the energy to move. How is was this even possibl-<p>

SPLAT!

Groose was down, covered in 'caviare'. The stench of it seemed to act as a toxin that killed him as soon as he took a single breath.  
>Do you think you'll survive in here?<br>Hell no.

* * *

><p><strong>Well, that has to be the most disturbing thing I have ever written. And this idea was from me, actually. I've been replaying Conker's Bad Fur Day for the N64, so... Yeah. When I got to this part as a kid, I almost threw up. I didn't, but I didn't use the toilet for the rest of the day ._. Thank god I don't own TGMP.<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

NUMBER FOURTEEN: DEATH BY ALMA

* * *

><p>Light bulbs flickered overhead as Groose shakily trudged through the debris of an abandoned building. He knew that Zelda must be held captive here... Could she?<p>

Groose didn't exactly have anything to see ahead of him but the dim lights in front of him. The only thing that he could make out was an endless hallway that he was walking through. Sure, at the corner of his eye, he could see small shadows following him around. But those were his... Right? Shaking the thought of ghosts possibly inhabiting the creepy building, he came across a flight of stairs.

Yet, no more lights illuminated his way. Taking a deep breath, Groose stepped forward and climbed up the stairs. The more he walked, the more he started to hear faint giggling around him.

What the hell?

Was it Zelda? No, it sounded too young to be Zelda.

"A-Anyone here?" Groose called out. Just then a little girl in a simple red dress appeared in front of him. Her long black hair draped back down almost all the way down her back while her pale face looked up at him with dull eyes. Groose smiled. "Why are you here, little girl? Are you lost?"

The girl said nothing.

Groose was a little creeped out, but decided to keep smiling to keep the little girl reassured. "How'd you get here, little girl? You lost or somethin'? Not to fear! The great Groose'll help you!"

In a blink of an eye, the girl was replaced with a blood covered teenager. Her hair was covering her naked body as she started to step towards him. Suddenly, Groose began combusting. In seconds, he was nothing but bones.

The blood covered girl merely stared at the corpse... Then vanished.

* * *

><p><strong>Aah, one of my favorite horror game monsters... Or favorite vengeful ghosts. This little girl is named Alma. She hails from the game: F.E.A.R, also known as...<strong>

**FUCK. EVERYTHING. AND. RUN**

**It was tempting to do Silent Hill, my favorite horror game, but I decided to try something else.**

**This idea of having Groose being killed by a horror game of my choice was suggested by Albinounicorn~**


	15. Chapter 15

NUMBER FIFTEEN: DEATH BY THE SHOPKEEPER

* * *

><p>Groose entered a nearby store, grumbling. To think he had dropped his favorite pair of briefs off of Skyloft AGAIN. Now that they were nowhere to be found... It was time to buy some new favorite ones. Upon entering, he was greeted by a rather happy shopkeeper. "Why hello there!" the shopkeeper said to him, "What would you like today?" "Yeah, I want some briefs," Groose replied, flatly. The shopkeeper nodded and fumbled around in his inventory. Finally, he had pulled out a brand new pack of briefs. Handing them to Groose, the shopkeeper said with a smile, "Alright, good sir! This pack will be twenty rupees!"<p>

Rolling his eyes, Groose grabbed the briefs and flicked a yellow rupee at him. The shopkeeper looked at it and frowned. "Um, sir... Yellow rupees are only worth ten. You can only buy half a pack with this. Don't you have any red rupees? Those are worth twenty rupees, sir."

"Sorry, but this is all I have."

"Then I'll give you the smaller pack."

"... Nah, I'll just be taking this. Besides, doesn't that yellow rupee look better?"

As Groose approached the exit, the shopkeeper darted up from the counter and did something that was pretty remarkable. In a flash, he blasted a fiery laser that killed Groose right on the spot. As the laser fired, Groose disintegrated into a pile of ash. The shopkeeper ceased fire, then sighed. Picking up the briefs, he shook his head, "When will people learn to pay the price..?"

* * *

><p><strong>Lotsa people wanted this one xD so, why not? That shopkeeper is a serious badass in my mind. Probably one of my favorites in the Zelda series.<strong>

**Here's the list: 1. Happy Mask Salesman 2. Zant 3. Linebeck 4. Skull Kid (even in TP) 5. Kafei**


	16. Chapter 16

NUMBER SIXTEEN: DEATH BY THE AVENGERS

* * *

><p>Groose roamed the bizarre new world he somehow ended up in... Was this some sort of new temple? It was chock-full of deadly looking weapons... As if this place was capable of destroying Skyloft AND the Surface both. New technology he has never even seen before was as far as the eye can see. Where in the world<em> was <em>he..? "Hey."

Jolting around, he was face to face with a man in jet black clothes and an eye-patch. And he did NOT look happy. "What the hell are you doing here?" the man demanded. Groose held his hands up. "I-I really don't know! I just ended up here!"

"You really think I would believe that? Nobody _normal _would get past through surveillance without even a single distortion." What? The man kept on, "You must be pretty interested in S.H.E.I.D's weapons to come straight into the weapon's bed. Coming straight for our restricted weapon?" He slowly got out a mic. "Natasha. We have trouble. Get everyone over here. Stat." "Right, Nick Fury."

Nick Fury? Holy shit, that's one intimidating name. Instantly, a steel door was blasted open by a huge blast. Out came a robotlike person in red and yellow armor. He gave Groose a weird look, then rolled his eyes. "Are you serious? This guy is the one who broke in? He looks like some sort of shitty Elvis wannabe." the machine-man sighed. Who's Elvis? "Stark, don't be cocky; he could be dangerous," another man said, jumping out from the debris. He was wearing a blue, red, and white outfit while holding a shield. Wow, that guy looks ridiculous. Another man gingerly walked forward. "Uh, yeah. But you have to admit. He does look pretty ridiculous, Captain."

"... Yeah, you're right on that, Banner."

Lastly, one last man and a woman came out. The woman wearing a black tight suit with tons of gadgets and the other wielding a bow and arrow. "Fury? Natasha? Are you sure this guy is a threat?" the guy with the bow and arrow asked, "I mean, he looks stupider then Tony's space suit."

"Watch it Legolas."

What the fuck was going on? "Look, freaks. I'd rather get OUT of here rather then deal with dopes like you," Groose said, then pointed to the guy they called Banner, "Why is that guy here anyway? He looks like a pansy. You all look decked out and he just looks like a real geek."

The blue guy approached Groose, "Hey, that's not a good idea, son," he said, "You really should stop-"

"I can say what I wanna say. And _I _say _he's _a big nerd that really doesn't belong with all of you. What, are you all so stupid that you need such an egghead like him around?"

"Hey, I'm a genius too. Who the hell do you think made this suit; Bill Gates?"

Just then, the 'egghead' started shaking... He started turning green... He grew bigger... His shirt instantly ripped...

"RAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!"

The egghead was now a big green monster. He charged at Groose, pounded him to the ground, and continued to beat him. The rest of the team simply stared. 'Legolas' turned to Fury. "I guess the problem's been solved?" "Yes... Once Banner calms down, we'll see if we'll have to clean up."

* * *

><p><strong>Wow. That was fun. It was hard to think up a situation to make the Avengers kill Groose... But after a full period of US History, I got it. And the reason Thor isn't here is because he's back home. This is pretty much placed after the first movie. I just loved it :D I'm serious. I love Iron ManTony Stark xD Alrighty, this idea's from Phantom!**


	17. Chapter 17

NUMBER SEVENTEEN: DEATH BY COWS

* * *

><p>The fields. The lush, soothing fields.<p>

How absolutely peaceful the surroundings of the wide open spaces of acres of fields could be. And right now, Groose was experiencing this to begin meditation. Wherever he was, he was thankful for one thing: Thank GOD there weren't any haunted statues of Link, mental people in different colored armor, snowboarding yetis, crazed animals, justice-obsessed cops, giant piles of singing shit, laser-shooting clerks, OR dopes that mutate into green monsters.

Will today actually be normal for once? Will nothing want to kill him? Groose lay there, feeling relieved for the first time in weeks. This place is shelter from the force that always seems to-

Suddenly, the ground started shaking... Oh great, an EARTHQUAKE?! No... It's not that powerful... It was as if something was coming towards Groose at full speed... Slowly looking behind him, Groose saw what it was, and it was pretty hard to believe.

A herd of fucking cows stampeding across the plains towards him. "YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" Groose exclaimed as he tried to outrun the herd and make his escape, but it was too late.

"MMMMROOOOOOOOOOOO!"

All of the cows trampled over Groose and kept on their way as if he was never there.

* * *

><p><strong>I love cows :D whenever I'm riding long distance in a car and I see cows, I always jolt up, say "COWS!" and look out the windows until I don't see them anymore. Seems like a thing I'd do as a kid, but I seriously still do it. They're just too cute~<strong>

**This idea's from agarfinkel!**


	18. Chapter 18

NUMBER EIGHTEEN: DEATH BY THE THRILLER ZOMBIES

* * *

><p>It was a full moon. Kinda pretty, but kinda creepy considering Groose ended up in a weird part of the Surface once again.<p>

"Woooo!"

"Micheal!"

What? Turning around, Groose could see two people. A little girl and a _very_ girly guy. And that girly guy was acting pretty weird... Suddenly, a beat came out of nowhere as zombies came from the ground... Girly looked a little different now, but now he and the zombies were in apposition where their heads were jerking back and forth. Soon, they started clawing at the air.

What the hell?

Now he could see the things that fit a description Link always talked about. He kept telling the guild about these zombie things that scream at you so loudly that you can't move at ALL. Then they come slowly towards you... And attack. Groose always thought it was a bunch of shit, but now-

"EEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

-it was REAL! Groose really couldn't move! He tried and tried, but no matter what, he couldn't escape.

THILLER!

THRILLER NIGHT!

Groose was then eaten alive by Re-Deads dancing to the Thriller.

* * *

><p><strong>I had this weird dream last night. Kururu from Sergeant Frog made this weird machine that made people unleash the people they are inside. So, we both tested it on the whole platoon as well as the Hinata family. Soon, they got into a perfect line and started doing the Thriller. Needless to say, Kururu and I were pretty damn entertained. So we both recorded it and put it up on YouTube. Then some guy wanted to use it for his campaign for president of a cereal company and we made millions. Then I woke up xD So, that's where this came from. This idea's from me~<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

NUMBER NINETEEN: DEATH BY MICROWAVABLE DINNER

* * *

><p>Now <em>THIS <em>was something. A box you put in a device that instantly turns into a meal! Amazing!

After buying it off a shopkeeper (using EXACT change), Groose just couldn't wait to try it out. After hooking up the 'microwave' thing in his room (don't ask how), he inserted the mysterious item inside and put it in... But for how long? The directions said three to four minutes first then three minutes again after removing the plastic with holes punched in... But why not set it up for a little more? Also, how do you work a microwave? After pressing a few buttons, it switched to a 'power level' mode.

Power? Pfft, the more the merrier! So, Groose punched in random numbers and the yellow glow of the microwave turned a orange-red. And why do so many steps when you can just cook it right then and there? So Groose typed in the time to fifteen minutes

There. That'll make it nice and good.

So, Groose pressed the start button and watched the machine do its magic. The wonderful feast inside, however, seemed to be combusting on the inside due to the settings he had set up for it... Unfortunately, Groose wasn't exactly paying attention to that. He was just watching this strange machine work.

_Ding!_

Alright, it's done! Quickly opening the door to the microwave, Groose was welcomed with something not so pleasant. The microwavable dinner exploded in his face, searing hotter then Death Mountain's magma. The impact of the blast as well forced Groose out of his room window and with the searing hot mashed potatoes and gravy on his face, he plummeted below the clouds.

* * *

><p><strong>Now this is just plain weird.<strong>

**I have no idea what the hell I was thinking when I made this, other then how I was hungry today :P I'm in first period right now and lunch doesn't come in three more hours... But hey, this was fun :D**


	20. Chapter 20

NUMBER TWENTY: DEATH BY SENTIENT TOILET

* * *

><p>Groose was traumatized because of a certain 'experience' that should not be spoken of... But he had to. If he didn't, who knows what would happen. He had to go into the bathroom...<p>

And use the toilet.

The large, giant pile of shit still haunted his dreams and he always had avoided the guild toilet ever since... But this was an emergency. Groose had no choice. If he didn't, then Zelda would... Shaking the thought from his head, Groose darted into the guild's bathroom, slammed the door shut, locked it, and made it.

Thank god.

Now Groose was safe. Safe from sheer humiliation in front of Zelda. Plopping onto the toilet, he suddenly noticed the seat getting... Hotter? It was warm at first, but then burnt like hell. Groose instantly jumped up, screaming. Was his ass on fire?! Looking around... Nothing. Hm. Maybe he imagined it? Shrugging, Groose sat back down. This time, Groose _knew _he wasn't imagining things.

The toilet was SUCKING HIM IN.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Groose demanded at the seemingly invisible force commanding the toilet. However, it wasn't a ghost or anything... "I'll tell you what's going on," a voice snapped beneath him, "I'm fighting back, THAT'S what! It is _our _era! You all shall bow before us! As an example to your kind... I shall dispose of you WHOLE!"

With that said, Groose was sucked completely into the toilet, never to be seen again.

Wow.

* * *

><p><strong>Funny story about this. I was in the bathroom (procrastinating) watching Keroro GunsoSgt. Frog on my certain episode was about Keroro getting the idea to make all the toilets have intelligence so that when people go to the bathroom, they get attacked. BUT,**** all the toilets banded together and started a revolution to take over the world. So crouch toilets, normal toilets, urinals, every kind you can think of were marching the streets while being led by the ultimate transformer toilet.**

**I got the hell out of there.**


	21. Chapter 21

NUMBER TWENTY ONE: DEATH BY LEAP OF FAITH

* * *

><p>It was a nice vacation in a place called Venice. Very lovely. No strange contraptions anywhere. Just the city bustling with its civilians, which Groose was simply relieved of. Maybe using those strange coins he 'found', he could get a few romantic souvenirs for Zelda... As soon as Groose approached a stall, he noticed an extremely shady man... That or crazy.<p>

He was wearing a white bathrobe.

Venice is one weird place. Just as Groose was about to get a wonderful gift for his Zelda, an uproar started...

"UN ASSASSINO!"

Seconds afterwards, bathrobe guy came running back followed by guards with swords drawn. And what's the first thing Groose thought when he saw this? RUN. So, he ran alongside that crazy bathrobe guy while the guards were shouting stuff he couldn't even understand. As they both ran, bathrobe man kept shouting things like, "Andare via già!" and, "Lasciami in pace, idiota!"

He must be saying he needs help. So, Groose kept on with him. Soon, both of them came to a wall... But it didn't stop that guy. Bathrobe-man suddenly turned into an acrobat and climbed up the wall in seconds. "Se vivi, puoi venire con me."

What was he _saying? _

Groose decided to try and mimic what the freakshow did, but not so gracefully. In fact, he spent so much time that the guards found them when he finally came up. "Merda... Fare in fretta!" the bathrobe guy said then darted off on the rooftops. Thinking that meant to follow, Groose clumsily followed suite until he caught up to the man. "Come ho detto," he said without turning around, "Se vivi, puoi venire con me."

He then pointed to a plank next to him and signaled for him to stand on it. "Predere la caduta." With that said, the man in the white bathrobe JUMPED OFF THE ROOF. Looking down, Groose saw what he did. He landed in a hay barrel. That was...

BADASS!

So, Groose took a running start and jumped off the ledge... But didn't make the hay barrel. Instead, he was feet away from it when he smashed to the ground dead. Bathrobe-man sighed as he got out of his own hay barrel. "Spero che questo non conta come uccidere un civile..."

* * *

><p><strong>A lot of you have been wanting Link to have a part in killing Groose himself. As fun as that would be, I'm pretty sure Link wouldn't go to means of stabbing his classmate to death. So, I'll have to cross those out because Link is the hero that only slays evil, not assholery. Sorry!<strong>

**Oh, this idea is from zeldaplayer14!**

**... I've just realized how far away Groose has gone from his actual game...**


	22. Chapter 22

NUMBER TWENTY TWO: DEATH BY SWORDSMAN TUTOR

* * *

><p>Groose was back in that clock-place. And fortunately, the moon wasn't crashing into the earth and no possessed Link statues were anywhere. Because of that, the place was actually enjoyable. As Groose sauntered around West Clock Town, something caught his eye.<p>

A sword training center.

Hmm...

Just then, Groose got an idea. If Groose went in there and got some awesome skills from the dude in there, then he'd be better at the sword then Link! And that would mean that HE would be able to go on the journey instead of THAT dope! In seconds, Groose was through the door and inside the dojo with fantasies clouding his mind.

Sitting in front was... An... Afro samurai? Is _this _the teacher? Groose now had second thoughts. Afro samurai looked up to him and grinned. "Welcome!" he greeted, "Are you here to learn the ways of the blade?"

Groose nodded energetically. Getting up, the afro samurai drew his sword, then tossed him a training sword from a rack. "Very well then. First, You must slice the logs with a horizontal strike. Simply press the B button," the guy instructed. B button? What the hell is that? Was this guy crazy or what? Suddenly logs appeared before him. Well, if he says horizontal, horizontal it is. Moments later, the logs were slashed in half.

Afro samurai was quite pleased. "Very good. Now for a vertical slice. Move the analog stick forward then press B," he instructed once more. What was an analog stick? just like the time before, logs appeared. Groose just did vertical strikes like the guy wanted. "Very good, my student. Now for a jump attack. Z target the log and press the B button."

Groose wasn't going to question this anymore.

SLASH!

"Perfect. Now for the technique passed down from swordsman to swordsman... The spin attack! Hold down be to store power and release to preform it."

Whoa, wasn't this Link's signature move? Cool beans! Groos did as instructed and the logs surrounding him were blown away from the force of the slashes. Now the swordsman was genuinely impressed. "Very good, my student! I have taught you all I know! Now, for the payment... That will be twenty rupees."

Groose tossed him a blue rupee, which the afro samurai returned with a frown. "My student... This is only five," he said. Groose shrugged, then replied, "Isn't that color prettier? I'm off."

Before Groose could leave, the afro samurai stabbed him in the back, just like he did him. Groose instantly fell to the floor, dying of blood loss. Afro samurai just sighed. "Another one... I'll have to dig a bigger hole."

* * *

><p><strong>I decided to use the Majora's Mask swordsman for this one. Who DOESN'T love that afro? Or... Whatever :l I always took him as a disco swordsman. Oh, I don't own the afro samurai xD<strong>

**This idea's from 1sonicfan (Weird, I had a dream about Sonic last night...)**


	23. Chapter 23

NUMBER TWENTY THREE: DEATH BY WATER SKIING

* * *

><p>Lake Hylia! Who knew the place was so clean? The water was so filtered that somebody could drink from it without getting worms! ... Okay, no thoughts of that now.<p>

Right now, Groose was on the edge of a platform holding some sort of pink squidlike creature. "Oh man, that mustache guy who gave this to me is awesome! He literally just GAVE it to me!" Groose said happily. Explanation time. Groose was strolling around the edge of the lake when suddenly...

~_FLASHBACK_~

_Groose was humming his favorite song as he sauntered around the lake path. The twinkling of the lake was pretty, but not as pretty as... Zelda... Groose entered his fantasies, only to be interrupted by a short guy bumping into him. "Hey, watch it, punk!" Groose snapped. The short guy looked up at him, trying to keep some sort of pink squid-thing from squirming out of his grip._

_"I'm-a-sorry," the guy apologized, "This-a-blooper is just too fidgety. I just can't-a-ride it! It's-a-always slipping away and whenever I catch it, it-a-goes wild!"_

_"Ride?"_

_"Yes! This is a surfing blooper! Oh, I KNEW I should have-a-gotten the green one..."_

_Groose thought for a moment, then got an idea. If Zelda sees him zooming across Lake Hylia... "If you want, I'll take it," Groose offered. The man looked up, adjusting his red hat. "Really? Oh, thank-a-you! But, be careful. This blooper is-a-dangerous."_

~_FLASHBACK OVER_~

So now, Groose was wrangling the blooper in his hands, making sure it didn't wriggle out. Tying a rope around it, then tying both ends to two separate wooden planks, he was all set. He set the blooper in the water, grabbed the makeshift handle firmly, and-

WOOOOSH!

They were off. Going at least ninety-five miles per hour. The blooper was just GOING! Right, left, even some jumps. Little did Groose know that the water was making the short squid slimy... And the ropes were slipping. And that blooper knew it, too. The squid directed the course towards a huge, tall rock, looking like it'll fall down by the slightest impact... Groose, however, was awaiting an awesome stunt. The blooper slid out just in time for Groose to crash into the tall rock. Moments later, the rock tipped and crushed Groose.

The blooper was free!

* * *

><p><strong>I've actually never went water skiing, only tubing (I love it :D). Now that I've typed this, I don't wanna now...<strong>

**Oh, this idea is from ultima-owner!**


	24. Chapter 24

NUMBER TWENTY FOUR: DEATH BY HALLUCINATION

* * *

><p>Link was exhausted.<p>

After countless Stalfos, Re-Deads, Dekus, and whatever the hell else... He seriously needed a break or something. Mainly because he was starting to see things weirdly. Kinda like that one time where that snake-crocodile thing got him high while he told him a story of the history of the Triforce.

With his vision starting to blur, Link stopped to rest under a tree. Right as the warmth of the sun was soothing to the point of letting Link drift into sleep, along came our protagonist to this story: Groose.

As Groose saw Link half awake under the tree, he got a dickish idea. "Hey, dope! Gettup!" Groose laughed then started shoving Link around.

Bad idea. Once Link opened his eyes, the blur that clouded his vision transformed his tormentor into his enemy.

"GANONDORF!"

"Huh?"

Link drew his sword, his eyes trying to focus onto Groose. "You think it would be easy to defeat me in my... Time of... Exhaustion," Link said, then yawned. Groose backed away, "H-Hey! What're you talking abou-"

"Don't play dumb! You shall now be... Destroyed... Aaah..."

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Link charged then stabbed Groose as much as he could before he decided to stop and pass out under the tree after a job-well-done.

However, the REAL Ganondorf had watched the entire scene from the shadows. Needless to say, he was pretty confused. "... For once, I am glad that I did not appear."

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter is made in memory of a new friend that recently quit fanfic. To be honest, it had been a while since I've actually had a friend on here, so this was a shocker to me. She said that she was quitting due to personal reasons, so I'm not gonna prod into her private life. However, she said that on her profile that she said that she was picked on for being Mormon. So, if that's the personal reason, I'm gonna give them HELL to pay.<strong>

**So, this is from Ayako Zetra, the so said friend**


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